Petal Pusher (washingtonpost.com)

By Laurie Lindeen
Atria. 320 pp. $24
Friday, July 6, 2007

Chapter One

Hitchin' a Ride

My left thumb is out, my right hand is folded over on my hip; I'm hitchhiking. Don't worry, I'm on Martha's Vineyard - out here hitchhiking is the preferred mode of public transportation. The island setting enforces a sort of geographical honor system: When you're on a small island you can't be a perv or an ax murderer because you'd have to wait in a long line at a ferry to get off the island once you've committed your crime, which leaves plenty of time to get busted, unless, of course you have your own boat. I suppose there are a lot of nooks and crannies in which you could hide once you've chopped up some poor hitchhiker, but what a hassle. Eventually you'd have to show up at Cumberland Farms or the A&P for a pack of smokes or a Mountain Dew, and everyone would know it was you because they've all had an eye on you since you showed up on this island. I spend a lot of time thinking about these types of things.

It's a hot late morning in August of 1984 and my hairdresser friend from Boston, Naomi, is with me and we're hitchhiking from Vineyard Haven, where I live, to South Beach, which is two towns over with a right turn out of Edgartown. Because it's 1984, Naomi has a long eighties, naturally wavy girl-mullet in ash blonde. She wears a pull-on skirt and a T-shirt over her vintage forties one-piece swimming suit. I have clumpy waves of blonde and brown hair fashioned in a sort of inverse mullet, party in the front, short in back. I'm wearing a rayon vintage dress in a blue floral print over my tatty old swimming suit. We're probably both wearing Converse high-tops in shades of pink or baby blue and tiny round John Lennon sunglasses. Slightly hungover, a day at the beach, prone on a towel with the sound of the surf and the smells of salt and suntan lotion, will lull us into all-day naps. I have the day off from my job at an eighteen-stool diner; Naomi's my guest for a couple of days. We went to the University of Wisconsin together. She just graduated with a degree in art and went directly to New York to learn how to color hair so she could fund her art habit. Smart girl. I was in college at the same time, sort of studying English; I've yet to graduate. We weren't superclose in college, but she's the closest person to me from that world, so I invited her out. It seems only fair since I regularly invite myself to crash at her apartment in Boston when there are rock shows that I want to attend.

A couple of cars whiz past us. "A lot of tourists out here in August; they don't get it," I say, hoping that Naomi won't be discouraged. Tourists don't know that this is how we, the carless, get around the island. Maybe we look too quirky, we are far cries from the usual Vineyard preppy. A royal blue Volvo station wagon pulls onto the grass at the side of the road. Thank God it's not a pickup truck full of summer house painters where we'd have to sit in the open-air flat bed and smile mutely while they smirked at us in our crazy get-ups. We run to hop in. As the veteran hitchhiker, I sit up front.

The driver is a beautifully tanned woman in her thirties with long wavy brown hair and full lips. She's superstar thin to our baby fat and beer-belly curves. Wait a minute. Holy shit. Could it be? Yes, it could. It's Miss Carly "We've got no secrets" Simon herself. I glance over my left shoulder at Naomi in the backseat; she is grinning and silently giggling into her hand with her shoulders lifted up to her ears.

"Thanks for stopping," I offer, deciding to be casual, deciding to make this an everyday occurrence. "We're headed to South Beach."

"I can take you as far as Edgartown," she says in a voice both smooth and quivery like you'd expect. "I have an errand in town."

"That would be great."

Uncomfortable silence.

More uncomfortable silence.

"Do you work on the island?" Miss Simon asks in an effort to be engaged and friendly.

"I work at Dock Street coffee shop on the Edgartown harbor," I report.

"I'm a hair colorist in Boston," Naomi offers, adding, "I just moved there from New York."

Now that we're all used to the arrangement, I'm feeling smart-assy and am tempted to ask Carly if she works on the island, but I don't.

More uncomfortable silence.

"Where are you from?" asks the chanteuse with the famous case of stage fright.

"Madison, Wisconsin," I recite.

"Princeton, New Jersey," says Naomi. We're all looking straight ahead, afraid to openly take in one another in a gawking fashion. I'm painfully aware that everyone I know has more interesting answers to the stock questions normally asked by strangers.

Again silence. Carly fumbles for a radio station, and because we're in the middle of nowhere, the center of an island with grassy pastures on both sides, nothing is tuning in, just white noise. She sighs and presses play on her cassette deck. And this is the part I hesitate to tell because I don't want Carly Simon's risk of being a nice, normal (yet extraordinary) person to backfire in her face, because I'm a fan of her music and her life. Because I feel honored that my friend and I look cool enough to be picked up hitchhiking by a pop star. But when the cassette begins playing, Carly Simon's voice comes out of the dashboard speakers. We are listening to the singing voice of the lady in the driver's seat. At this point I'm inwardly freaking out. Does she want us to say something like "Miss Simon, is this your latest effort?" or does she just want to stop the awkward silence? Maybe she assumes that the next thing that is coming is "Are you Carly Simon?" and she wants to tell us without being asked. Or could she be so vain? Oh no, not her. Or maybe she thinks we haven't a clue as to who she is so she'll just listen to her demos until she can redeposit us on the roadside where we belong.

We're pulling onto upper Main Street in Edgartown, the quietest, most conservative town on the island. "We can get off here," I say. "Thanks a lot," we both recite while gently closing her car doors before she pulls out. Naomi and I lock oh-my-God eyes, drop our jaws, and laugh uproariously before sticking our thumbs out again on the side of the road that leads to the beach.

In the past, when I've embellished this story and taken liberties, I added a section: While sitting in Carly Simon's front seat I'm holding in my lap a copy of Playboy magazine. Carly notices but says nothing until I say, "I wanted to see those Madonna pictures to see what the big deal's all about." In my made-up story, Carly pulls over on the side of the road to drop us off, but first we all peruse the pictures together, all wondering what kind of sleazeball would sell these art photos from Madonna's past now that she's a superstar, and how they're not worthy of the hype. Exposed boobs and hairy armpits, big deal, we've all been through that phase. But that tall tale is just me wanting to connect as many themes in pop culture and women's lives as I can, wanting to create a scene where pop divas past, present, and future all converge in Carly Simon's blue Volvo. In case you're wondering, I like to think of myself as pop diva future, I like to think of my chance meeting with Carly Simon as her symbolically and unknowingly passing me the torch singer torch. I know I'm probably way out of line.

After summer turns to late fall on Martha's Vineyard, I move back home to Madison to plot my next move. I'm a twenty-four-year-old college dropout. At the "UW", as it's called, I was more interested in the round booth at the Plaza Bar and tequila shots than I was in Beowulf. Dancing in dark nightclubs to "Mirror in the Bathroom" took precedence over Dante and Milton. Any jobs emerging from the college education I've half-assed worked toward for six years seems remote. I want excitement, a little glamour. The kids from New York and Chicago who flocked to the University of Wisconsin for a quaint and wholesome college experience made me painfully aware of the sophisticated world outside of Madison. I'm a damn townie. I know every bar, restaurant, and used clothing store in Madison and its surrounding counties. Everyone here knows everything about me. Ronald Reagan has been president all of my young adult life.

I think I might be an artist, either a writer or a singer. But so far I only write letters to friends in other cities, and I'm not singing anywhere except in cars and showers. I don't have a persona or personal mythology - something I know is vital when forging an artistic identity. The process of myth making requires a shift in perception, if not location - which is why I spent six months waitressing (yes, it is a verb) on Martha's Vineyard. From there it was easy to breeze into Boston or New York for a show or a concert. I spend most of my time listening to and thinking about music, everything from Devo to Dylan, or watching live music, rock 'n' roll, punk rock, new wave, whatever. This music hits me in my chest and in my brain and in my groin; it understands me. Now that I'm trapped back in Madison, a place they call Mad Town, har har, I have designed an independent study of sorts learning how to start, play, and live in a rock 'n' roll band. This is not for college credit; this is my life.

"Rock 'n' roll band" sounds too Bob Seger, so let me clarify; I want to start an all-women punk rock band. My definition of punk rock is do-it- yourself, who cares if it's sloppy or unprofessional. My definition of punk has little or nothing to do with politics or shaved heads and everything to do with what's new and not in the mainstream. It's about going on stage as you, full of rage, heartbreak, and laughs. It's about making the music you hear in your head and heart. When I was first into music as a kid, it only came out of California, New York, or London. The new movement of mid-1980s make-your-own-rules music, the sounds drawn from influences as diverse as Johnny Cash and Johnny Rotten, is coming from places like Athens, Georgia, and Minneapolis, Minnesota - places I can relate to. The people making this music seem to be a lot like my friends and me with their thrift shop wardrobes, messy hair, and penchants for nicotine. I want my band to be all women because I want us girls to be in charge, to call all the shots.

It's taken me this long to figure out that I could, and my friends could, start a band and make that exciting life of song and guitar feedback, travel and intrigue, carousing and cavorting our own. It's not like it's a job you land after an internship. It's not an encouraged career move. There are no courses to show you how (not yet, anyway). This band thing is nothing that will please our parents. All of the guys that I hung out with in college had bands in their rented basements. What else was there to do really? Become yuppies? In Madison winter lasts for at least half of the year; you really need an indoor hobby, especially if, like me, you hate the Green Bay Packers. I'm pretty sure I can pick up a guitar and figure something out, judging from my guy friends' hellish din that happens to sound like music to my ears. I've been slow to connect my interest and my longing to something I could do - rather than spend the rest of my life watching.

My nightly "field trips" are spent in bars watching live music. This all started long before I threw in the academic towel after flunking out of college a record-breaking four times. I'm sure there's a connection there. So far I've studied the small clubs in Madison, Chicago, Boston, and Martha's Vineyard. The bars are usually seedy and the bands are usually loud. If the music moves me and I'm feeling gregarious after a couple of drinks, I'll attempt to make conversation with the musicians to get a feel for their lifestyle (hard-drinking or pot-addicted), their background (Ivy League-educated or high school dropout), and their musical tastes (Kraftwerk or Hank Williams). I've learned that, like chasing a degree in literature, there are no definitive right answers; it's all about absorption and interpretation. Because ninety-five percent of these musicians are male, I may appear to be a groupie seeking a love connection. I am not. I consider these guys peers, equals. "How long have you been playing guitar?" I might ask a flannel-clad fella. Or, "How did you buy a van?" And he might answer me, "Huh? Oh ... mumble ... I ain't been home in months. Got a smoke? Buy you a beer?" Clearly it does not require a high IQ, so I've got that going for me.

I don't want to be with a guy in a band; I want to be in the band. Repeat: I want to be in the band. It's easy to confuse these two ideas, though. Those scruffy, skinny boy-men with their stick-outy hair and deep tobacco-tinged voices are awfully cute, and they're such a breath of fresh air after a decade of those heavily made-up new wave cross-dressers or spandex and permed "rockers." But when you emerge from a motel room assaulted by the morning sun, with razor stubble-burned lips and chin, with black bruises on your inner thighs because these guys are so ungodly skinny, you vow to take musical revenge by acquiring the same power he exercised over you rather than get mad at yourself for exercising poor judgment. The sex wasn't that great, he wasn't exactly focused on me per se. I know that we don't have a future together; I know he's not really going to write a song about a girl standing in a cornfield that's supposed to be me (though probably secretly in my heart of hearts, I sort of hope that he will). Maybe someday I'll write songs about him and about the fact that his live-in girlfriend hasn't a clue about how he conducts himself on the road because, again, that is preferable to chastising myself for my understandable lapse in common sense. Sometimes you can't help yourself; rock 'n' roll is sexy as hell. There is no right answer, no guilty party. Except I do feel guilty; he told me he had a girlfriend back home. How would I like it?

So yeah, I'm going to start a band with my girlfriends and we're all planning on a move to the current, or I should say closest, music capital of the world, Minneapolis, Minnesota. My Vineyard phase was an exclusively summer engagement; we're all Midwest-based. A lot of our college friends are from Minneapolis and have moved back home after graduation. It's a musical hotbed - the resident superstar is Prince. My favorite bands, the Replacements and Soul Asylum, are serving up an irresistible fusion of punk, classic rock, pop, country, and blues. The city is teeming with handsome boy-men with gravelly voices, profound street poetry, self-deprecating humor, and jangly guitars. All eyes in the music industry are resting on Minneapolis at the moment. Clearly there's something in the water, and I want a drink. It's the land of ten thousand lakes and ten thousand bands. Minneapolis is pretty and clean, all blue lakes and green trees. It looks easier to live in than the other midwestern city - steely gray Chicago with its mean-looking lake. I love the ocean and I love Martha's Vineyard; it's just that I sensed that I had to leave while I was still young or I'd never leave again. There wasn't a potent music scene out there, just a lot of heavenly scenery. Besides, Minneapolis has that appealing Mary Tyler Moore mythology, like maybe I could make it after all.

Oh, as for that small issue about not having spent our teen years locked in our bedrooms jacking off with guitars (but rather cheerleading and memorizing the choreography from numbers in Grease): no problem. First of all, we look the part: My friend Phyll has a wild mop of curly red hair, curvy hips, and a wardrobe that relies heavily upon cowboy boots and pencil skirts. Phyll vibrates with intensity; she's like Annie Oakley meets Patsy Cline had either of them hailed from Milwaukee. Co looks like Natalie Wood if she had traveled to India with the Beatles, sort of like a grooved-out late-1950s movie star. A former cheerleader gone off the arty deep end, Co is a mixture of the young Cher and Maureen O'Sullivan. I'm a poor man's Connie Stevens on a good day, a punk rock Joey Heatherton on a bad day. Phyll calls me the rock 'n' roll Ethel Kennedy whenever I wear a sleeveless shift. We're all smart and sassy, well-nourished and starving for experience, and very vulnerable (okay, ultranave). I can carry a tune and I know the three chords to "Wild Thing" on the guitar, so I'm almost there. Looking the part and thinking the part is more than halfway to living the part; it's called the Think System and I learned it as a little girl watching The Music Man.

We are going to keep our band project a secret until we acquire skills, equipment, and write some songs. No boys allowed. I want me and the girls to be coddled, protected, and admired like the guys I've been watching. These are the pictures I dream up of the life we're going to lead:

(Continues...)

© 2007 Laurie Lindeen

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